Putting Practice into Action :)

How My Practice Has Swung into Action Lately :)

I recently shared this email with my lovely meditation crew, I wasn't going to share it publicly but received so many replies saying how useful it had been to read it that I thought Id bite the bullet and put it out there! :) 
I have been navigating some interesting new life developments and, as many of you may wonder how all of our meditation practice can actually be applied to real life, I thought that I'd share what has been going on over here and how it has really boosted my practice.

First up I have to say, in case anyone wonders, this is not a sympathy fishing post in any way, I really am fine, in fact I'd say that I feel more connected to everything than before and there are certainly millions if not billions of people in far, far worse situations than mine. So Ill just put that to bed :)​

Anyway, the short story is that I was diagnosed with a degenerative eye condition - it was all a bit of a surprise because it was bang in the middle of a yoga teacher training weekend here and without any warning I lost a patch of vision and ended up sitting in casualty on a bank holiday Sunday evening til 10:30. Haha The yoga group were absolute legends and as it turned out I was back at the helm by 9 am the next morning to carry on teaching but then I ended up back in hospital again a few days later with more eye oddness that caused them to make this diagnosis.


What does it mean? I don't know exactly as there is no specific time frame, but unless they come up with some new treatment (always possible) then the proposition is that I could lose my central vision in that eye eventually - maybe in years, maybe sooner, maybe never (Im leaning towards the last option :)

The other eye is currently ok although they aren't sure whether it will also be affected as it shares a similar pathology. To be honest it is a pretty naff employee anyway due to a past detached retina and I don't use it much - maybe this newly affected eye was feeling overworked and has gone on strike!?


So I simply wanted to break down not my medical history (yawwwn) but how I have been practically applying what I spend so much time sharing with others! I know that every single person has issues in their own lives - physical or otherwise and I hope that some of this might be useful for you if you aren't sure how to apply a practice that you might have.


Lesson #1: Obviously at first that all came as a bit of a shock and a surprise - not what I was expecting when I woke up that Sunday morning - but the first teaching that sprung to mind as soon as they told me was ‘everything is impermanent, all experiences are by their very nature changing’ 
In fact, apparently the Buddha's last words when asked what his final teaching would be was ‘Everything changes’.


So of course why on Earth wouldn't this happen? Any suffering after the initial event comes from forgetting this - any idea of ‘Why is this happening to me?’ is the wrong question.
For starters, things just happen, everything changes - none of this is happening to me unless I choose to take it personally and I really don't believe that my eyes have any sort of vendetta against me. In fact they have struggled on working every day for 48 years, bless them - not always very well and generally without thanks, but they got the job done - so I should thank them for their very kind service!


So the first lesson of change was taken and acknowledged. Very useful and took the sting right out of the initial news:)


Lesson #2: working with the fear & anxiety - after the initial shock subsides the fear begins - what will we do here if I can't see? The nearest bus is 45 mins walk away if I could even find my way there. Do we need to put the house on the market? How will I look after the masses of gardens, maintain the buildings, all of the day to day nonsense?


Fear is just indulgence of (harmless) thoughts that cause my body to feel a certain way and it is that feeling in the body that I label as fear.
So lesson two was - ‘Don't get carried away by the feelings in your body and don't lend abstract thoughts some sort of validity that they don't deserve’ - yes we may get to a point where it isn't easy to live here or we may not. 
I might wake up dead from something else long before that happens or a million other things that could arise in the interim. We might simply decide that life would be simpler in a town or we might decide that we prefer it here or infinite other unimaginable possibilities.
I have seen many incredible blind athletes, surfers, runners, skateboarders and goodness knows what else - carrying on, doing whatever they do, finding that incredible way round things that humans are so good at. Whats more I still have one unaffected eye and then, tangled up in thought I start to forget that even if I lose vision in the affected eye it is only supposed to be a loss of central vision - OK that's certainly useful for reading, typing, using tools, watching Netflix and seeing faces - but by my judgement that isn't blind, that is just a bit of a puzzle to be worked out. I’m sure I could still find my way about with some peripheral vision and Gemma said she has all sorts of fun lined up for me placing booby traps and trip wires around the house to keep me on my toes


Lesson #3 - this is a gift! 
So many traditions talk about this. Challenges in life are our blessing - they give us an opportunity to grow; they serve as pointers back to the path.
Each time I find myself obsessing over my worries or fears I notice very clearly what is happening and it is a fantastic reminder to step out of mind obsession and back into simple awareness. I mean this stuff is normally so hard to remember unless we have some really outstanding screw up in our day - but at the moment I have this very handy constant and obvious reminder, literally everywhere I look, to step back into simple awareness - anything is possible, everything changes.
I can honestly say that my practice has been totally on point since this little incident popped up! So a massive gracias to the universe for giving me a shove. In fact this morning in my practice I ended up in a hysterical fit of laughter - Gemma walked past and wondered what I was laughing at so loudly, I couldn't even speak as I was out of breath. Whilst just being still it popped into my head - 'What is wrong with any of this?' - immediately I knew that absolutely nothing was out of place, none of it was 'wrong'. If it wasn't meant to be like this then it would be different.
I couldn't stop laughing at how ridiculous it was to think it should be any other way!


Lesson #4: Compassion And finally I get to practise some focussed and dedicated compassion practice - compassion for myself, compassion for my broken little eye ball, compassion for Gemma who also has to deal with the same events and worries but gets no attention for it and compassion for all people who have, are, or will also go through the suffering of losing their sight but equally for all beings that are suffering from whatever their condition is - physical or otherwise. 


In fact I would say that I haven't felt this compassionate for some time - I can generally be very middle of the road in the compassion stakes and Ive often said that it is an aspect that I need to work on more.


Putting it all down on paper like this is also very useful, to share the experience and make clear how it is a problem, yes, but remind myself there is also so much value to it. And to see how all of the practice that goes on when times are generally ok really does come into its own when things go shit shape :) Yes I have moments when I wobble but then I have all of these tools to ground back down, to be with it, sit with it like a good friend until it wants to move on. In fact Im sleeping like a log at the moment  - I point blank refuse to let it keep me awake at night :)

Finally, just as a fun challenge - and one that I also take comfort from because I genuinely believe it is possible - is that I like to see if the power of my meditation practice can clear up a physical condition that is apparently incurable - now that is something that would cause more people to get on with their practice. If that doesn't happen then I'll simply assume that more use would come from it not clearing up - a final lesson in non-attachment and letting go of the fruits of our actions.

So here's wishing you all to make friends with your problems and your pains, turn your poison into a remedy for your suffering, it might not be a wanted teacher but it is a very powerful one.